Perspective | How much to tip when the service is bad (2024)

Not surprisingly, comments from readers turned into a discussion about tipping itself.

One reader asked: “Do you think we in the U.S. will ever move away from the tipping culture?”

“I think it has gotten out of hand,” the person wrote. “Two glasses of wine for $20 gets a $4 (20 percent) tip. Two beers for $6 gets a $1.25 tip. Who came up with this system? Just pay the people what the market will bear while complying with minimum wage laws like every other job where folks do not work for tips.”

With so many in the American workforce depending on gratuities to make a living, it’s hard to stand your ground and not tip when you get subpar service. You don’t want to be called a “jerk” for withholding an important part of someone’s pay.

But the custom of tipping requires a customer make a judgment call about someone’s level of service.

What if your pay was reduced because you had a bad day?

Let’s say a server repeatedly forgets to refill your iced tea because her mind is on her sick kid? Or she brings out your entree before the appetizer, which had long been ready for pickup from the kitchen? As a diner, you’re not privy to why your waitress is so distracted.

What if the service is bad because the kitchen is backed up? What if there’s a shortage of staff because several servers are out with the flu? A good server wouldn’t burden customers with why things are going so terribly wrong.

Or maybe the waiter is just bad at waiting tables?

No matter what, do you still leave a 20 percent tip? (That’s the norm now).

“If you cannot afford to tip at least 15 percent, you shouldn’t be eating out,” one reader wrote. “And if you withhold a tip out of principle, stick to Wendy’s where it won’t be an issue.”

I’ve received comments from many readers — diners or people who have worked in the industry — who believe that customers should still tip the now-standard 18 percent or 20 percent regardless of the service. To do otherwise is depriving people of much-needed income, they argue.

“Please, good service depends on a cooperative effort by all employees,” one reader wrote. “Do not blame servers for the things out of their control.”

Another reader, a former server, wrote, “It's also important to recognize that there are a lot of people who take absolute glee in ‘sticking it to the server’ by leaving no or little tip. They get a power rush and it's absolutely demeaning. If you receive poor service at a restaurant definitely address it with the employee and with the manager, if appropriate. Please don't let it result in a less than 18 percent tip.”

I always leave a tip when I dine in a restaurant. If the service was particularly bad and I feel it’s directly the result of an inattentive, rude server, I’ll still leave at least a 15 percent tip. I have bad days at work, and I’m grateful that my pay isn’t docked for it.

But we have to figure out a better way to compensate people who work in the restaurant industry that doesn’t rely on the whims or judgment calls of customers. The same goes for other industries where tipping is expected.

“Nothing illustrates the interaction of culture, economics and law more vividly than the peculiar American practice whereby diners help determine servers’ compensation,” wrote The Washington Post’s Charles Lane. “Identifying the inefficiencies and inequities tipping breeds is relatively easy; designing an alternative that benefits everyone is not.”

There is a lower minimum wage for people who receive tips.

The way the federal law works, wait staff's minimum wage, which is a percentage of the minimum hourly wage, currently works out to $2.13 an hour. However, if a server's hourly tips, when added to wages, doesn't add up to the federal minimum wage of $7.25 an hour, the employer must make up the difference.

Some states have opted out of the federal law and require restaurant owners to pay varying percentages of their own minimum wage, which can be higher than the federal minimum wage. Workers can earn more if the tips they receive boost their earnings above the minimum wage.

As more states increase their minimum wage, the question then becomes what happens to tipping.

“Think about this in terms of other workers who provide a service,” The Washington Post’s food reporter Tim Carman wrote recently. “Hotel cleaning crews. Massage therapists. Tattoo artists. Cabdrivers. And on and on. They routinely make at least the minimum wage, and they routinely receive tips, too. We tip these workers for various reasons: We want to supplement their (sometimes) modest incomes. We want to reward their excellent service. We want to support a local business.”

Carman continues, “The same motivations would hold true for restaurant servers and busers, even if they were paid the full minimum wage. Why would we want to punish some of the hardest workers in the hospitality industry — people who handle every person who enters the dining room, no matter how insufferable or entitled — just because we had previously been required to contribute to their salary?”

Carman also addressed the question of whether you should tip for takeout:

“You are not bound to that tacit pact found at most U.S. restaurants, where you are essentially required to help cover a server’s salary,” Carman writes. “But there’s another question you should ask yourself before making a final decision on whether to tip: Do you consider the minimum wage — or even $15 an hour — a living wage?”

Clearly, many people have become weary of the ever-growing list of people who want/need our tips.

“I have pretty much had it,” one reader wrote. “The amount of an expected tip has crept up from 10% to 20% and now 25%."

Could the common practice of tipping end?

“Consumers fed up with tip jars, gratuity prompts and outstretched hands seem ready to end the practice once and for all,” wrote Christopher Elliott, a travel columnist and co-founder of the advocacy group Travelers United. “Whether you tip or not, one thing seems clear: The tipping system, which allows companies to shift some of their expenses to their customers, is irreparably broken.”

New York City restaurateur Danny Meyer, founder of Shake Shack, made a passionate plea to move away from tipping.

“Tips themselves are the problem, and we need to stop relying on them as a means to compensate this massive workforce.”

In 2016, under the initiative “Hospitality Included,” Meyer, the chief executive of Union Square Hospitality Group, introduced a no-gratuity policy at almost all its New York restaurants.

According to the company, “The price you see on the menu reflects the full cost of dining with us — Hospitality Included! You don't have to do math once the bill comes or buy back your coat at the end of the night.”

In further explaining the policy Meyer wrote, “There are countless laws and regulations that determine which positions in a restaurant may, and may not share in gratuities. We believe hospitality is a team sport, and that it takes an entire team to provide you with the experiences you have come to expect from us. Unfortunately, many of our colleagues — our cooks, reservationists, and dishwashers to name a few — aren’t able to share in our guests’ generosity, even though their contributions are just as vital to the outcome of your experience at one of our restaurants.”

“It has been documented that tipping increases the incidences of discrimination and guest-driven sexual harassment, as certain patrons expect something more in exchange for their tip than just speedy service,” he said. “For the multitude of servers who bring hospitality from their hearts, it is liberating to eliminate any sense that they must put up with unwelcome behavior.”

Some servers like the status quo.

“I can say that control over my earnings is one of the greatest perks of working as a tipped employee,” wrote Simone Barron, a founding board member of the Restaurant Workers of America. “The harder I work to show hospitality and graciousness to my guests, the better my ‘commission’ (i.e., gratuity) on that meal. It’s not a bad bargain — I earn 20 percent or more on a typical bill.”

Here are some of the comments I’ve been receiving from the tipping public.

— “I view tipping as classist, inappropriate and outmoded. I, the customer, should not have to worry about your employees being adequately paid. Don’t pretend that tipping is voluntary but then be dissatisfied with what I leave. I got a one-hour reflexology session. I gave the woman $55 plus an $8 tip. She leaned into me and quietly said, ‘We get $10.’ If that is the case, charge $65 and be done. Businesses should pay their employees a suitable wage and charge appropriately.”

— “I find tipping as a percentage of the check to be a problem. The server at the breakfast diner works just as hard to bring me eggs, refills on coffee, etc., as the one who handles a prime rib dinner. To me, 20 percent of the breakfast bill seems too little and 20 percent on dinner is too much.”

— “In a perfect world — people would earn a living wage and NOT have to survive off their tips. As someone who worked as a waitress while working my way through college tipping is often the only way to survive … Unless service was truly terrible, I am generous because I can easily remember the struggles of surviving on tips only. BUT I don’t expect my friends to tip according to my wishes."

Lastly, on asking for a separate check:

— “I am part of a group of women who get together regularly for coffee and an occasional lunch. Most places we go to are self service so the check isn’t a problem. There is a place we frequent for lunch that doesn’t split the check. The waitress figures out each bill and we settle up. Everyone has cash. I always make sure the waitress knows that my tip is in the 20 percent to 25 percent range because I know we’re a handful. I won’t go out to eat with someone who is abusive to staff or who is a miser.”

— “I over tip on split checks, to make up for any slackers and because I know the challenge of having to deal with all those checks, and keep a group happy as well.”

— “The larger the group, the more important having separate checks are. Of course this makes more work for the wait staff (and the tips should then be a little more), but sometimes the restaurant will not do it. If an even split is unavoidable, then I will order more.”

— “One adage says that good fences make for good neighbors. Another should say that separate checks make for good friends.”

Read more:

Color of Money Question of the Week

What’s your view on eliminating tipping? Do you sympathy tip? Send your comments to colorofmoney@washpost.com. Please include your name, city and state. In the subject line put “Tipping in America.”

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