Tara Lennon/THE REVIEW
Students ponder ways to have fun this semester that don’t include downing a six pack in the company of 100 strangers.
BY TARA LENNON
Senior Reporter
Syllabus week is upon us, however the ordinances recently passed by the city of Newark have stripped many college students of their favorite way to be “sylly”: partying.
Fear not, there are plenty of ways to embrace the spirit of “sylly week” without exchanging spit with a mob of strangers. Here are 30 simple, wholesome things you can do instead of going to a party:
1. Breathe in the fresh air (that is, wearing a mask if you are within six feet of another).
2. Watch a TV show. Maybe “The Good Place,” maybe “The Office,” maybe “Parks and Recreation.” (Michael Schur, my personal hero and
creative genius, worked on all three! Bonus: Look him up on Google!)
3. Eat dinner.
4. Or if it’s breakfast, eat breakfast. Many people forget to.
5. Learn the hand jive.
6. Tell all your friends what kind of dog you think they look like.
7. Read a book for once in your life.
8. Buy a Wii. Play “Just Dance” on it.
9. Or just dance, without a Wii.
10. Memorize the entire script of Tom Hanks’s “Big”.
11. Play tic-tac-toe on the internet.
12. Start a Google Calendar.
13. See how many tic tacs you can fit into your mouth at once.
14. Call your mom.
15. Meal prep.
16. If you’re in a dorm and you can’t meal prep, go to the dining hall. Get some ice cream. You deserve it!
17. If you really feel like going ham, walk to UDairy. Get some ice cream! Wear a mask!
18. Engage in your hobbies. Remember the days before you had a phone. You must have done something to keep yourself occupied.
19. Start a diary. Your feelings are valid.
20. Wash your water bottle. They get super nasty quick.
21. Eat lunch.
22. Think about what you’d like to do once all this mess is finished. Sure, that list can include “going to a party.” Just exercise
restraint for the time being.
23. Remember how good Cheez-Its are by eating Cheez-Its.
24. Think about your decisions.
25. Download an app; play a game on it.
26. Apologize to your sibling for being rude that one time.
27. Or if you don’t have any siblings, think about if you did, what you’d want their name to be!
28. Actually do the reading.
29. Pick up a new hobby. There are so many out there. You deserve one!
30. Literally anything else (socially-distanced, of course). The options are endless!
Hopefully, you won’t even have to contemplate this because Newark will be completely devoid of parties!
However, some of you might be thinking, “Mom and dad can totally spare 500 bucks, easy.” You might still feel that primal urge to have a bunch of strangers tear your backyard to shreds. Remember, mom and dad have dreams too, they deserve to buy that RV they always wanted in their retirement, instead of funding your every whim.
And if this still doesn’t convince you, humor me by contemplating these five things you can throw instead of a party:
1. A frisbee
2. It back. Except by your lonesome.
3. That 500 dollars you are about to be fined to a good cause.
4. Or just buy your groceries for five weeks with it.
5. A piece of popcorn into your mouth. Have a movie night.
As much as your body might crave the “dage,” partying is not a natural right. Exercise care for your fellow human beings and your own health.
